AHLANWASAHLAN

Tuesday, 17 June 2014

KAUNSELING ISLAMIC

INTRODUCTION
     The Integrating of Naqli (revealed) and Aqli (human) in counseling is important for all Muslim to be the daie. Integrate based on Oxford Student’s Dictionary is to join things so that they become one thing or work together, while other word is segregation, that is separating people of different races. This is  due to the important of using counseling in Islamic way based on dalil and naqli. We must know what the different and similarity using application counseling between in Islamic and Western.
      The counselor have role in advising people to  achieve happiness and harmony in their life. Counseling is a process that involves the help of interaction between two person, one person help giving advice and another people who receive aid in a harmonious, full awareness and understanding. Guidance involves giving orders on a regular basis and contain information appropriate to determine that a goal is reached by the person receiving.
          In Islam, there are obligation had given to the human kind. The obligations were known as hisbah. It’s means call to goodness and avoid badness (amar ma’ruf wa nahy munkar) and corrects the society ( islah bayna annas ) or corrects the wrongful of society . The stressful of obligation of hisbah , as Allah said:
وَلْتَكُن مِّنكُمْ أُمَّةٌ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى الْخَيْرِ وَيَأْمُرُونَ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ الْمُنكَرِ ۚ وَأُولَـٰئِكَ هُمُ الْمُفْلِحُونَ ﴿104
“And let there be [arising] from you a nation inviting to [all that is] good, enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong, and those will be the successful.”
(Al-Imran 3:104)
         In conclusion, we must know the difference meaning of  theories between Islamic and western perspectives in counseling. This is also important you know good manner in Islamic in counseling that do not have in western.
 

Definition Of Counseling In Islamic perspectives 
    In Islam, term counseling could be translated into Arabic word as “Al-Nasihah”.It means to give advice ,counseling ,guidance ,truth ,faithful ,loyal ,exhortation, consultation , friendly admonition ,and friendly reminder (cowan 1976).The prophet said “religion is an advice”. Al-Nasihah is derived from the hadith:-
“One asked the prophet what is the best deed in Islam. He replied, say I believe to Allah and steadfast to Allah rules .He was asked what is the worst thing. He shows his finger to his mouth . It means to keep the mouth from bad deeds like backbiting and lying “
(Al- Tirmidhi,Al – Nasai ,Ibn Majah.)

  The advice advise each other mutually responsibility recommended that people that people take on trustee from Allah. Allah say surah Al –Asr versus 1-3 which means :
واعصر (1) أن الانسن لفى خسر (2) ألا الذين ءامنوا وعملوا الصلحات وتواصوا بلحق وتواصوا بالصبروا (3)
By time (1) Indeed, mankind is in loss (2) Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience. (3)

    Actually ,there is no exact definition of counseling in Islam, it can be regarded as art and skill dealing stigmatically with man’s crises of his intellectual emotional ,behavior and soul and providing him guidelines to manage them properly counseling essentially means “soul healing “
    In Islam, soul refers to immaterial spiritual essence located in the core of the spiritual heart in man’s body ,the evil soul will course badness. The prophet sad “indeed in your body bad. In fact ,it is heart”

Definition Of Counseling in Western Perspectives
Counseling in Western Perspectives is a  process of interaction to understand between counselor and client. The Counselor must be professional and have practical.
       The definition first and second represent the western point of view of counseling and highlight the importance of the therapeutic relationship .The emphasize the importance of helping of helping and supporting in individuals in moving forward with their life.
     The first definition ,from the British Association from counseling and psychotherapy (BACP) is based on three essential elements required in counseling .
There are the therapeutic relationship ,the counselor‘s attitude towards the client ,and atmosphere of the counseling.
Example: Acceptance and respect for the client are essential for counselor and ,as the relationship develops ,so to trust between counselor and client . The counselor may help the client enabling the client to look and examine in detail behavior or situation.
       The second definition is given by Feltham and Dryolen (2004).
Counseling is principled relationship characterized by the application of one or more psychological theories and a recognized set of communication skills ,modified by experience, intuition  and other interpersonal factors ,to client intimate concerns ,problems or aspirations.
        The third definition Good (1945) counseling is counselor have knowledge and capable to helping in solve problem client until this client can make decision properly.
        The fourth definition from Pepinsky (1954) counseling is process that have interaction between a counselor and client. This Interaction happen in situation difficult with the purpose to help client to change their behavior until the discussion taken them to like it.


GOOD MANNER HELP ISLAMIC IN COUNSELING
         The Islamic rich with Manner encompassing all human life. The specific help in counseling not expressly described guidelines defined in the Islamic because counseling look as counted as a modern discipline. Therefore, that Manners following is a summary loaded from a variety of sources, there are manners in Islam especially manners of social and communication.
This is good manner that do not have in Western.
1)Say “Salam” and shake hands.
Give salam and shake hands is an identity of Muslim. Furthermore, the it is noble sunnah practiced by every Muslims.
قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ إِذَا الْتَقَى الْمُسْلِمَانِ فَتَصَافَحَا وَحَمِدَا اللَّهَ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ وَاسْتَغْفَرَاهُ غُفِرَ لَهُمَا"‏
The Prophet said: If two Muslims meet, shake hands, praise Allah, and ask Him for forgiveness, they will be forgiven.”
2)Say good  and smooth words.
Voice of tone is also suitable and included for the good manner. Interaction between Muslim or non – Muslim  important in Islam.
 قَوْلٌ مَعْرُوفٌ وَمَغْفِرَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِنْ صَدَقَةٍ يَتْبَعُهَا أَذًى ۗ وَاللَّهُ غَنِيٌّ حَلِيم(263)
“Kind speech and forgiveness are better than charity followed by injury. And Allah is Free of need and Forbearing.”
Surah 2. Al-Baqara 2 : 263.




3)Avoid from bad words.
Avoid from words don’t give benefits to counselor and client. The instruction for avoid from bad words and a activities not benefits.
قَدْ أَفْلَحَ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ (1) الَّذِينَ هُمْ فِي صَلاتِهِمْ خَاشِعُونَ (2) وَالَّذِينَ هُمْ عَنِ اللَّغْوِ مُعْرِضُونَ (3)
Certainly will the believers have succeeded(1) They who are during their prayer humbly submissive (2) And they who turn away from ill speech (3)
Surah al-mukminun ayat 1-3

4)See face client and smile.
See face and smile encourages in Islam, when meet other people either private meet or open meet should be smile.
يقول أبو الدرداء رضي الله عنه :" ما رأيت أو ما سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم يحدث حديثا الا تبسم
“I (Abu Darda ) never see Rasullullah (SAW)talk something except he smile in talk.”
(hadis riwayat Tabrani ,and Imam Ahmad )
5)Good relationship maintain after session.
In Islam relationship between Muslim do not formally only or place and time a specific.
انما المؤمن اخوه....
 The believers are but brothers.”
(Surah al hujurat 49:10)


6)The main take religion as a source of guidance.
Allah give guide with very perfect and true. Discussion based on Al-Quran and Al-sunnah will be give benefits to client.
فلا وربك لا يؤمن حتى يحكموك فيما شجر بينهم ثم لا يجدوا في أنفهم حراجا مما قضيت ويسلموا تسليما( 65 )
But no, by your Lord, they will not [truly] believe until they make you, [O Muhammad], judge concerning that over which they dispute among themselves and then find within themselves no discomfort from what you have judged and submit in [full, willing] submission.
Surah al-nisa 4:65
This is good manner that is  same between  western and Islamic.
7) Secrecy.
Do not tell secret client to another else . Story about cases and personal of information to be kept preferably.Allah said in surah Annur , 19
إِنَّ الَّذِينَ يُحِبُّونَ أَنْ تَشِيعَ الْفَاحِشَةُ فِي الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَهُمْ عَذَابٌ أَلِيمٌ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةِ ۚ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُوا
“Those who desire that scandal should spread among the Muslims, for them is the painful torment in this world And the Hereafter And Allah knows and you know not.”
8)Place and environment conducive.
This is important to ensure the comfort and Successful encounters. The attention given need  to follow mood client, counselor must be aware and able to adapt with clients and the environment. Categorize from imam al-Ghazali place and environment conducive in manner listening (good manner as-sima).



9) The appropriate distance between counselor and client.
وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْت الْحَمِيرِ ُ
“Be modest in thy bearing and subdue thy voice . Lo! in harshest of all voices is the voice of the ass .”
 Surah Luqman ayat 19
While not touch of topics the distance when communicating, but we can take in general, the required distance is appropriate and not very distant. This means that the distance between two people who speak must be relatively close to allow them listen well with each other.

Some good manner from Western.
(Stewart et al 1978).
1)The session counseling not in hurry.
The first time half an hour in session, counselor do not have really known what the story of client . Besides that ,counselor should be given time to client for suitable with counselor without not in hurry.
Same with Islamic good manner.
2)Secrecy
The discussion in counseling have limit. It  means the place the room counseling should far from interference and noisy sound such as sound telephone or interference sound voice of people.
3)Exist same status between counselor and client.
The counselor should be alert to something that can have difference perception between counselor and client. Example: The counselor sit down in chair higher than client.
THEORY OF COUNSELING IN ISLAMIC

Imam Al-Ghazali Theory On Counseling.
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According to Imam Ghazali the internal aspect of humans, which are the emotions,
the mind and the soul that are strong.
1)      The three categories of humans under al-Ghazal theory.

-          nafs ammarah: which is the raging desire to bow and obey the wishes of sexual desire and the devil. Allah had exhorted, which means:
-           
وَمَا أُبَرِّئُ نَفْسِي إِنَّ النَّفْسَ لأمَّارَةٌ بِالسُّوءِ إِلا مَا رَحِمَ رَبِّي إِنَّ رَبِّي غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ
‘And I do not hold my own self to be free from weakness; for, the soul is surely prone to enjoin evil, save that whereon my god has mercy. Surely, my god is most Forgiving, Merciful.’
(Surah Yusuf – 53)
     
     -nafs lawwamah: the individual to neglect or transgress the laws of Allah and to
                to ultimately feel remorseful. Allah had exhorted ,Which means :

وَلا أُقْسِمُ بِالنَّفْسِ اللَّوَّامَةِ
“And I swear by the reproaching soul, that the Day of Judgment is a certainty”
(Surah Al-Qiyammah – 2)
       - nafs mutmainnah: the raging desire for a peaceful and righteous mind.
يَا أَيَّتُهَا النَّفْسُ الْمُطْمَئِنَّةُ ﴿٢٧﴾ ارْجِعِي إِلَىٰ رَبِّكِ رَاضِيَةً مَّرْضِيَّةً ﴿٢٨﴾ فَادْخُلِي فِي عِبَادِي ﴿٢٩﴾ وَادْخُلِي جَنَّتِي ﴿٣٠﴾
“To the righteous it will be said], "O reassured soul, Return to your god, well-pleased and pleasing [to Him], And enter among My [righteous] servants And enter My Paradise”
(Surah fjar 27-30)

2)The level of human soul
    - al-Ghazali has classified the human soul to three levels, which is the low, intermediate and    
       High. The attainments of the different levels of raging desire (nafs) in humans depends on
       knowledge and training of the soul.





3) Human traits counseling approach by Al-Ghazali.
    - The correct technique in Islamic counseling uses wisdom, good advice and discussions,
      Mindfulness to Allah, repentance (taubah), contemplation (tafakur), prayers (doas) and     
      formal workshop (solat).
   -The counselor should be  uses this model needs to know the characteristics of good behavior
    (mahmudah) and bad behavior (mazmumah) and the ways to practice the characteristics of    
     Good behavior.
   -To help the clients return to natural instincts that shape life according to the ways of Allah     
    (Sunnatullah),the counselor should possess Basic knowledge related that . The client should      
     be ready to cooperate to allow him to be guided so that his problem would be solve.  
   -This counseling model provides the basics that can become a guide for counselors who may   
    want to use the Islamic approach.







THEORY OF COUNSELING IN WESTERN


CONCLUSION
           In overall, counseling is a process in which counselor help client to change their behavior, opinion , decision making and solve the problem properly . Counselor should build a good  relationship with client until they  feel they have someone taking care about them and help them.
           Nowadays, everyday have news and many problems in our life. This is why client need counselor to help them dealing with these problem. Among problem at Malaysia such as  divorce between husband and wife ,No understanding in family members, MH 370 , problem with teenager ,social problems and another else. Counselor also know about the current issue as a preparation for them to deal with their clients.
             Counselor Islamic that Muslim and muslimah need be careful with use theory from perspectives Western. Counselor Muslim can still using theory western but do not conflict with teaching from Islam. Counselors Muslims should not follow Western models of counseling that are expressly exempted from the values ​​and religious beliefs.







BIBLIOGRAFY

4.       Sapora Sipon,Hapsah Yusof.2013.Pengenalan kepada Profesion Kaunseling.Edisi Kedua.Nilai.Universiti Sains Islam Malaysia
5.       Laura A King. Experience Psychology. Second Edition.

6.       Mizan Adiliah Ahmad Ibrahim, Wan Mohd Fazrul Azdi Wan Razali & Hanif Osman. (2006).Kaunseling dalam Islam . Cetakan Pertama. Fakulti Kepimpinan dan Pengurusan       (KUIM).

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Mengapa Lelaki Sukar Melafazkan meminta Maaf. "I am Sorry"

Sesetengah orang lelaki sukar menuturkan kata maaf. Meskipun kenyataan ini mungkin diragui oleh lelaki, namun hakikatnya lelaki memang sukar berbuat demikian lebih-lebih lagi jika berbuat salah kepada pasangan sendiri.

1. Memiliki Ego Yang Terlalu Tinggi - Lelaki yang mempunyai ego tinggi biasanya mengalami kesukaran untuk memohon maaf meskipun jauh di sudut hatinya dia mengakui dirinya memang bersalah. Golongan ini biasanya lebih mengutamakan ‘maruah dirinya’ daripada terpaksa ‘menjatuhkan air mukanya’ sendiri semata-mata terpaksa menuturkan kata maaf. Jadi tidak hairanlah sekiranya lelaki lebih mengutamakan ego sendiri sehingga sanggup mengetepikan hati pasanganya sendiri.

2. Memperlihatkan Kelemahan Diri - Selain faktor ego yang tinggi, memohon maaf juga bagi lelaki merupakan tindakan yang memperlihatkan kelemahan dirinya secara terang-terangan. Kelihatan lemah di hadapan lawan jenis adalah perkara yang sebolehnya cuba dihindari oleh lelaki. Bagi sesetengah lelaki, meminta maaf merupakan simbol kelemahan diri. Malah tindakan tersebut juga menurut lelaki mampu menurunkan harga diri lelaki.

3. Tidak Suka Mengaku Kesalahan - Ada segelintir lelaki menganggap kesalahan adalah tanda ketidakmampuan. Jika wanita mengakui kesalahan lelaki dengan meminta maaf dan mengakui kesalahan mereka, lelaki pula bersikap sebaliknya. Golongan ini kadang-kadang bersikap kasar dan tidak mahu mengaku salah.

4. Tindakan Berbicara Lebih jelas Daripada Kata-Kata - Enggan memohon maaf secara terbuka, ada sebilangan lelaki mengambil tindakan memohon maaf melalui perlakuan atau perbuatan. Sebagai contoh memberi kejutan kepada mereka. Pemberian hadiah berupa bunga coklat, barang perhiasan atau hadiah-hadiah lain adalah interpretasi golongan ini di atas kesalahan yang mereka lakukan. Tindakan ini bagi mereka juga lebih mudah daripada terpaksa meluahkan kata-kata maaf melalui ucapan.

5. Bimbang Maaf Tidak Diterima - Juga ada segelintir lelaki enggan memohon maaf secara terbuka kerana bimbang kemaafannya tidak diterima. Justeru, tidak hairanlah apabila ada sebilangan lelaki yang berfikiran negatif akan mengalami dilema apabila ingin meminta maaf. Mereka biasanya akan mengalami kocakan emosi dalam membuat keputusan sama ada perlu meminta maaf atau sebaliknya. Malah, mereka juga turut mengalami konflik untuk merencana bagaimana, bila dan di mana tempat yang sesuai untuk menuturkan kata-kata maaf tersebut.

So ..kepada lelaki - lelaki di luar sana jika anda sukar melafazkan meminta maaf ubahlah sikap..Kerana meminta maaf itu amalan yang mulia...



Tuesday, 13 May 2014

PENGORBANAN SEORANG BAPA



REFLEKSI HUJAN

Ayahku seorang pendiam .Walaupun dia nampak tidak mengambil tahu tentang anak-anaknya,tetapi dia 

sayang anak-anaknya cuma dia tidak tahu untuk menunjukkan kasih sayangnya.Saya anak sulung dari tiga 

beradik.Jadi  saya menjadi contoh kepada adik-adik.Kejadian ini terjadi semasa saya tingkatan 2 dan saya 

bersekolah di Sekolah Menengah Agama .Hari Ahad yang indah dan cuaca yang redup aku 

bersiap-siap untuk balik ke Asrama.Walaupun hati macam tak nak balik ke Asrama,tetapi cuba

 merelakannya.Aku pakai baju sekolah,tudung labuh berwarna putih dan kasut sekolah berwarna hitam 

dengan beg sederhana besar.Di sebabkan rumah saya bahagian pendalaman dan bas jarang ada di kawasan

 kampung ,ayah bercadang akan menghantar saya ke asrama.Keluarga saya tidak mempunyai kereta dan 

Cuma ada hanya motor sahaja.Saya cuba menguatkan hati dan niatkan kerana Allah.Ayah menghantarku 

pada jam 4 petang.Sesuana cuaca redup sahaja.Tiba-tiba dalam perjalanan hendak pulang ke asrama,pada

 mulanya hujan reyai-reyai sahaja.Ayah meneruskan juga perjalanan ,habis baju saya dah basah sikit akibat 

kereta lalu di sebelah dan langgar lecak. Kemudian,hujan semakin lebat . Ayah memberhentikan motor dan 

berteduh di bawah kedai runcit.Tunggu berapa minit hujan reda.Kemudian hujan lebat balik,dan ayah 

berhentikan motor dan berteduh.Saya hanya mendiamkan diri.Beberapa kali teraksa berhenti dan 

jalan.Dalam hatiku berkata “kalau ada kereta kan best...Tidak mungkin akan jadi macam ini...”Tetapi saya 

tidak pernah merungut depan ibu bapaku kerana saya faham ibu dan ayah bukannya orang senang seperti 

orang lain.
        Setibanya di Asrama dalam jam 5.30 petang saya melihat ramai kawan-kawan semua dihantar oleh 

keluarga mereka dengan kereta.Saya turun dari motor dan ayah memberi duit RM30 dan berkata “cukup 

tak ni”.Saya hanya menjawab “cukup” .Kemudian saya salam ayah,terus ayah pulang.Lepas saya masuk di 

asrama,dalam beberapa minit saya melihat di luar,hujan lebat.Aku terfikir mesti ayah basah kuyup.


        Sejak dari peristiwa itu,saya berjanji pada diri sendiri untuk belajar bersungguh-sungguh untuk

 mengubah nasib keluarga.Tidak lama kemudian keluarlah berita tentang pelajar cemerlang iaitu Nik Nur 

Madihah.Kemudian saya jadikan idola saya untuk lebih berjaya pada masa hadapan.

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

ERTI KESETIAAN

Erti Kesetiaan | Ramai insan yang masih lagi tidak faham akan apakah erti kesetiaan dalam sebuah perhubungan. Ramai yang bertanya mengapa kita perlu setia, sedangkan belum tentu kekasih kita itu menjadi pasangan hidup kita? Disebabkan persoalan inilah kecurangan sering berlaku dimasa kini, sehingga ramai antara insan di muka bumi ini dilanda kekecewaan dan ada yang menyedihkan sehingga sanggup membunuh diri apabila ditinggalkan kekasih.

Kesetiaan dalam perhubungan adalah sangat penting, ini adalah kerana kita telah mengambil amanat dan tanggungjwab daripada pasangan kita itu untuk menjadikan dirinya hanya satu dihati kita sewaktu kita mengambilnya sebagai kekasih. Alangkah sedihnya apabila tanggugjawab atau amanat yang seharusnya kita jaga itu, tidak kita tunaikannya…?

Tidakkah ia sama dengan penipuan…? Jangan taburkan janji jika kita tidak mampu untuk tepati dan jangan mengata cinta kalau kita tidak mampu untuk memberikannya sepenuh hati…

Ingatlah bahawa, hidup kita seperti roda, tidak semestinya kita sentiasa berada di atas. Jika kita permainkan hati insan lain, suatu masa kita juga akan dipermainkan… Dan pada waktu itu, penyesalan tiada gunanya… Setiap apa yg kita lakukan pasti ada balasanya, hanya masa yang dapat menentukan…

Untuk insan yang menjaga kesetiaan terhadap pasangan, anda adalah yang terbaik. Jadilah insan yang boleh membahagaian pasangan kita tanpa rasa jemu. Jika anda dicurangi, jaganlah bersedih ataupun berdendam, tetaplah menjadi yang terbaik. Kerana anda mempunyai maruah diri, jangan samakan diri anda dengan insan yang tidak setia. Anda telah melakukan yang terbaik untuk pasangan anda dengan menjaga keperibadian diri dengan sebaiknya. Mereka tidak pandai menjaga harga diri mereka. Suatu hari nanti mereka akan menyesal dan akan menyedari akan kebaikan yang anda lakukan…

Tidak penting utk kita ketahui sama ada pasangan kita jujur, ikhlas atau setia dengan kita yang penting Allah tahu kita bagaimana, dan Allah tidak akan mensia-siakan apa yang kita lakukan… Tawakal dan redha lah…
Lelaki atau wanita yang baik hanya untuk lelaki atau wanita yang baik…
Manakala lelaki atau wanita yang tidak baik hanya untuk lelaki yang tidak baik…

Pilihan adalah di tangan anda…